For all relationships...and for leaders in particular.
Leaders in sport
Leaders in business
Leaders in communities
Leaders in families
Too often we look at those around us and think or say, "I just wish I could help them...[fill in the blank]."
There are lots of things we can do and strategies we can use to help those we lead.
And one of the most powerful of those strategies, supported by spiritual teachers and scientists alike, is to work inward first and often.
#leadership #ramdass #authenticleadership #lookinward #psychology #mindset #businesscoaching #quote #thursdaythoughts
Regulation = expression + suppression (and so much more).
Regulation often becomes synonymous with suppression. But regulation also includes expression.
According to @MarcBrackett, emotional regulation includes "monitoring, tempering, and modifying our emotional reactions in helpful ways in order to reach our personal and professional goals. This doesn't mean ignoring inconvenient emotions - rather, it's learning to accept and deal with them. People with this skill employ strategies to manage their own emotions and help others with theirs."
So what's so bad about suppressing our emotions?
--Individuals who suppress emotion also suppresses their immune system.
I'll note here that while feelings and emotions are not responsible for health conditions, the prolonged suppression of them creates the tension required for disease to thrive.
--Emotion suppression doesn't change (and may actually increase) the intensity with which we experience negative emotion.
Partially born out of a search for an alternative intelligence as researchers became increasingly frustrated that IQ tests didn't explain important life outcomes, EI initially surfaced in the 1990s and then became more popular in the 2000s with Dr. Daniel Goleman's book.
Now, is "EI" the end-all, be-all of thriving, high-performance, and excellent leadership? No.
The research shows there are some situations or roles where EI matters a lot, and some where it matters less (and may even be detrimental). And the research also shows there are a host of other factors, including IQ, that play a role.
In the area where I work - the human dimension - in sports, business, leadership, and teams…emotions and emotional intelligence matter.
So what is EI?
"The ability to monitor one's own and others' feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one's thinking and actions." -Marc Brackett
Too easy, right?
Challenge yourself to consider these questions:
"They ensure our survival. They make us smarter. If we didn't need them, they wouldn't exist." -Marc Brackett, "Permission to Feel."
This is the tiniest snippet of the decades of research that clearly demonstrate the importance of emotion in our lives.
Sharing this with you, and you with others, is my effort to get people to give a damn about...
Too often, "emotional" and "strength" are seen as opposites.
There is an evolutionary component to this belief. We are instinctually wary of those who seem unpredictable - it feels threatening and dangerous. So if our inability to self-regulate makes us unpredictable to others, then we have a problem.
The bigger problem, though, is we have also come to believe that emotional suppression is the solution. The solution to appearing predictable. The solution to appearing strong.
It's not. Suppressing emotion makes us weaker - both mentally and physically.
I'll be adding content on emotional strength. I hope it challenges some of your beliefs about emotions and strength - and I hope you take the time to reconcile and work with those beliefs…changing them if necessary. I hope this series motivates you to assess your personal emotional strength. And I hope this series provides you with a few tangible strategies to adjust as needed.
I have learned and grown immensely as a person and a professional over the last 10+ years of training, coaching, and consulting in the field of human performance. A few key lessons from the last 10 years are driving some major changes in the way I approach my work.
Training resilience, mental performance, and leadership skills to individuals is POWERFUL...And not sufficient.
Leaders have an exponential impact on the resilience, performance, and well-being of their people/team...And leaders don't always know how to help (and sometimes do more harm than good)
Mental skills and concepts need to be consistently reinforced to have the biggest impact...And I can't always be the one to reinforce them
These lessons are driving some changes in the way I train, coach, and consult:
I now focus on making training accessible
...By moving a bulk of individual training to a digital platform
I now focus on making change sustainable
...By empowering and supporting sport coaches and leaders...
Do you know what I mean when I say "Pinterest positivity"?
It is the term I use to describe the advice that says envisioning yourself living your dreams will increase your motivation.
Yes, imagery and visualization are very powerful uses of your mind. Setting high, hard goals and having a clear vision for your life are critical to optimizing performance and life. But when it comes to motivation (actually mobilizing energy toward a goal), seeing yourself living your dreams (already having accomplished them) can actually backfire and reduce motivation.
Extensive research by Gabriele Oettingen and others has shown that only envisioning the goals you want to achieve can trick your body in to a state of relaxation. Seeing yourself having completed the task makes your body think you've already done it. (Yes, your mind is that powerful).
According to the applied research, the best way to use your vision as motivation is to pair the image or goal with the obstacles that stand in your way....
If you've felt your motivation dwindle over the course of the pandemic (or really any time), this science can help us figure out why and what to do about it.
As humans, we have some basic needs. You know this. If I asked you what our physical human needs are, you'd probably say things like food, water, sleep, movement, etc. We need those needs to be met before we can thrive.
Turns out, we also have some psychological needs that need to be met in order for us to thrive:
When these 3 basic psychological needs are met, our natural motivation flows. We are happier, healthier, more engaged, and perform better.
In 2020 in particular, we all lost a large sense of control over our lives - literal restrictions on what we can/can't do are only the start of it. We also feel loss of control when things are just UNKNOWN or constantly changing.
I feel like motivation is getting a bad rap these days as some uncontrollable beast that comes and goes as it pleases.
I get it - especially after 2020. But I'm not giving up on motivation just yet, and here's why.
From my digging into the science of motivation, I've learned to think of the ebb and flow of motivation as a dance. Am I leading? If so, how? Am I trying to force the dance or am I moving with my partner? If we lose sync, is it because they're off course or did the music shift and I wasn't paying attention?
This metaphor helps me see a shift in motivation as information to be danced with. Maybe the information is telling me I let my mind and focus wander from my high, hard goals that make my heart thump.
Maybe the information is telling me I've been driving too hard and need to refocus on my recovery. Maybe the information is telling me my environment is shifting and I feel lost. Maybe it's telling me I need to refocus on my relationships.
Whatever it is, when we can...
I figured it's about time to introduce myself.
I'm a dedicated family man and human performance professional.
I am father to two young, vibrant kiddos and husband to the one amazing, adventurous @langski.life. Together with our pup named Mogli, we enjoy getting outside as much as possible: hiking, skiing, worm hunting, and general exploring. We're getting ready to elevate our exploring this summer with the completion of our #familyadventure bus.
While I started my career as a soccer coach, I quickly learned that what I loved about coaching was the mental game. So I shifted gears and have spent the last 10 years working in sport, military, and other high-risk occupations helping individuals and teams improve their mental performance, resilience, and leadership.
I love what I do and am stoked to be sharing skills, concepts, and lessons learned with you here.