For all relationships...and for leaders in particular.

Leaders in sport
Leaders in business
Leaders in communities
Leaders in families

Too often we look at those around us and think or say, "I just wish I could help them...[fill in the blank]."

There are lots of things we can do and strategies we can use to help those we lead.

And one of the most powerful of those strategies, supported by spiritual teachers and scientists alike, is to work inward first and often.

#leadership #ramdass #authenticleadership #lookinward #psychology #mindset #businesscoaching #quote #thursdaythoughts

Partially born out of a search for an alternative intelligence as researchers became increasingly frustrated that IQ tests didn't explain important life outcomes, EI initially surfaced in the 1990s and then became more popular in the 2000s with Dr. Daniel Goleman's book.

Now, is "EI" the end-all, be-all of thriving, high-performance, and excellent leadership? No.

The research shows there are some situations or roles where EI matters a lot, and some where it matters less (and may even be detrimental). And the research also shows there are a host of other factors, including IQ, that play a role.

In the area where I work - the human dimension - in sports, business, leadership, and teams…emotions and emotional intelligence matter.

So what is EI?
"The ability to monitor one's own and others' feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one's thinking and actions." -Marc Brackett

Too easy, right?

Challenge yourself to consider these questions:

How...

"They ensure our survival. They make us smarter. If we didn't need them, they wouldn't exist." -Marc Brackett, "Permission to Feel."

Emotions influence

• Our attention and memory which determine our ability to learn.
• Whether we rely on our gut instinct or carefully weigh facts when making important decisions.
• Every aspect of the social relationships that are the most important element of our lives.
• The choices we make and the way our body functions that influence our health - from poor diet, excessive drinking, and inactivity to blood pressure, and healing time.
• Our ability to be creative in the ways that advance society and humanity through innovation and our ability to be creative in the ways that build resilience, like finding a way to get through hard times.

This is the tiniest snippet of the decades of research that clearly demonstrate the importance of emotion in our lives.

Sharing this with you, and you with others, is my effort to get people to give a damn about...

Too often, "emotional" and "strength" are seen as opposites.

There is an evolutionary component to this belief. We are instinctually wary of those who seem unpredictable - it feels threatening and dangerous. So if our inability to self-regulate makes us unpredictable to others, then we have a problem.

The bigger problem, though, is we have also come to believe that emotional suppression is the solution. The solution to appearing predictable. The solution to appearing strong.

It's not. Suppressing emotion makes us weaker - both mentally and physically.

I'll be adding content on emotional strength. I hope it challenges some of your beliefs about emotions and strength - and I hope you take the time to reconcile and work with those beliefs…changing them if necessary. I hope this series motivates you to assess your personal emotional strength. And I hope this series provides you with a few tangible strategies to adjust as needed.

Because the...

Do you know what I mean when I say "Pinterest positivity"?

It is the term I use to describe the advice that says envisioning yourself living your dreams will increase your motivation.

Yes, imagery and visualization are very powerful uses of your mind. Setting high, hard goals and having a clear vision for your life are critical to optimizing performance and life. But when it comes to motivation (actually mobilizing energy toward a goal), seeing yourself living your dreams (already having accomplished them) can actually backfire and reduce motivation.

Extensive research by Gabriele Oettingen and others has shown that only envisioning the goals you want to achieve can trick your body in to a state of relaxation. Seeing yourself having completed the task makes your body think you've already done it. (Yes, your mind is that powerful).

According to the applied research, the best way to use your vision as motivation is to pair the image or goal with the obstacles that stand in your way....

If you've felt your motivation dwindle over the course of the pandemic (or really any time), this science can help us figure out why and what to do about it.

As humans, we have some basic needs. You know this. If I asked you what our physical human needs are, you'd probably say things like food, water, sleep, movement, etc. We need those needs to be met before we can thrive.

Turns out, we also have some psychological needs that need to be met in order for us to thrive:

• Autonomy (sense of control),
• Competence (need for growth and mastery)
• Relatedness (need for human connection).

When these 3 basic psychological needs are met, our natural motivation flows. We are happier, healthier, more engaged, and perform better.

In 2020 in particular, we all lost a large sense of control over our lives - literal restrictions on what we can/can't do are only the start of it. We also feel loss of control when things are just UNKNOWN or constantly changing.

Most...

I feel like motivation is getting a bad rap these days as some uncontrollable beast that comes and goes as it pleases.

I get it - especially after 2020. But I'm not giving up on motivation just yet, and here's why.

From my digging into the science of motivation, I've learned to think of the ebb and flow of motivation as a dance. Am I leading? If so, how? Am I trying to force the dance or am I moving with my partner? If we lose sync, is it because they're off course or did the music shift and I wasn't paying attention?

This metaphor helps me see a shift in motivation as information to be danced with. Maybe the information is telling me I let my mind and focus wander from my high, hard goals that make my heart thump.

Maybe the information is telling me I've been driving too hard and need to refocus on my recovery. Maybe the information is telling me my environment is shifting and I feel lost. Maybe it's telling me I need to refocus on my relationships.

Whatever it is, when we can...

Think about the last time you thought about providing feedback to a teammate or coworker. Did you hesitate?

Most people will say yes.

If we're aiming for flow state - either in business or sport - we must shift our mindset to see feedback as imperative to success.

Sometimes we receive the immediate feedback we need from the environment or process itself (a missed shot is feedback to adjust form; a disengaged audience may be feedback to adjust your presentation style).

Sometimes though, we need that feedback from those around us.

The best way to start? Shorten the feedback loop. Feel yourself hesitating to provide feedback? Challenge yourself to give it immediately. Worried you'll mess up? You might, and that will provide you with immediate feedback to improve your feedback in the future.

Risk

Risk is often an inherent part of performance - whether you're in sport, business, the arts, or leadership. But sometimes we downplay risk to make ourselves feel more comfortable which can switch off this necessary flow trigger.

Risk can be uncomfortable and make us feel vulnerable...two things we often shy away from.

In performance, though, we want to embrace the risk. Aside from being a catalyst to growth and resilience, risk is necessary to achieve flow state.

Without risk, our physiological systems don't activate in the right way to get the rush of neurochemicals and hormones that align with our highest performance states.

The next time you feel yourself downplaying the risk or vulnerability within a performance, flip your mindset. Recognize that your best performance is only possible because that risk is present.

This is one of the most beautiful elements of sport or any performance. Operating on the edge. Seeing the risk and being...

Having clear goals is one of the most potent and most overlooked group flow triggers because we often assume we're all on the same page. But even small variations can shift individual focus and impact performance and group flow.

Clear goals are critical to group flow. It is what gets and keeps everyone's effort moving in the same direction. When we assume we're on the same page, we leave room for error in that direction.

Consider this... I recently asked a sports team their team goal for an upcoming competition. Here are a handful of their answers:

-Leave everything on the field

-Win

-Beat [opponent]

-No regrets

-Team cohesiveness

-Be gritty

-To win and play together from start to finish

Now, I love this list. There's some great stuff here and we might initially think "cool we've got the same idea."

But on second inspection, think about the moment these athletes step on the field. Think about how each of these athlete's actions, decisions, and play might be...